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Should i contact her.

Should i contact her.

Posted: 9 Feb 2015 3:05PM GMT
Classification: Query
This post was deleted by the author on 10 Feb 2015 2:06PM GMT

Re: Should i contact her.

Posted: 9 Feb 2015 3:40PM GMT
Classification: Query
I am guessing that your mum is no longer around, so you can't ask her why she and her half sister stopped seeing one another.

However is there anyone around who might know, such as your dad, or her friends, or one of her siblings?

I am guessing there must be a solid reason why that contact stopped, and I think you should think very carefully before contacting her.

Divorces in the 1950s and 60s were "fault" divorces - e.g. adultery, abandonment etc. Custody would often be awarded to one parent and the other might not have access. Father's were as likely to get custody as the mother. Attitudes and times have changed dramatically.

Because someone had to be "guilty", it may be that your Gran's 1st husband never said anything nice about her to their children. Or maybe the children felt scorned by their mother, and that translated itself into bitterness and critism when your mother met her half sister.

If you do decide to go ahead with contact, have you thought about using an intermediary, like a local priest?

Maybe you could find the divorce papers and see what they reveal - the National Archives is a good place to start: http://www.nationalarchives.gov.uk/records/looking-for-perso...

Re: Should i contact her.

Posted: 9 Feb 2015 4:17PM GMT
Classification: Query
This post was deleted by the author on 10 Feb 2015 2:06PM GMT

Re: Should i contact her.

Posted: 9 Feb 2015 4:21PM GMT
Classification: Query
Megan Roberts has given you some sound advice about treading carefully. If you do decide to make contact I would suggest doing so by carefully worded letter. Take your time getting this right. I would very much recommend not in any way implying that you are seeking answers. This is deeply personal stuff which may be painful to her. Far better simply to broach the possibility of two people who are related by blood and live close to each other establishing contact. Don't ask questions in your letter and, if it succeeds, don't ask them for some time afterwards. Let the relationship develop as it would between two unrelated strangers. If a bond of affection and trust builds up between you, she may well volunteer information.

Caroline

Re: Should i contact her.

Posted: 9 Feb 2015 6:24PM GMT
Classification: Query
I can't tell what was in their divorce settlement, each would have been different.

They point that I was trying to convey is that the times were very different, including the way people thought and acted.

If you can't bring up the subject with your mother, then going to a stranger is not going to help. How would your mum feel about you contacting her half sister, after she severed contact?

If it were me I would be hurt and furious.
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