I was searching for info on what may be an adoption of the surnames Rowe and Reid/Reed when I read your posting. My grandmother was known as Ella R. Rowe Reid/Reed. I know that the children of the family were adopted out and that some were in a baptist orphan's home in Alabama. It is believed that she maintained both names.

I should like to comment on your suggestion of name change. Just some food for thought when considering children and self-esteem.

When my son was born, I had already chosen his name, but his father filled out the birth certificate and gave him his name, making him a Jr.. As I was single at the time, and engaged to be married to my son's father, he stayed a "Jr."

Consequently, we divorced, and my son's father left and was never seen or heard from again, which caused much trauma to such a young child.

My son, at the age of six, had accidently heard the story of his naming. The next day, I got a call from his school teacher asking me why he was using a different name on all his schoolwork.

It seemed that my son decided that he didn't want to be a junior to someone who didn't want him in his life. I respected his decision but never changed it legally, in case he changed his mind as an adult. He continued to use the new name, based on my Irish family naming patterns all his life.

As an adult, my son found his father and they spend some time together. However, he has legally changed his name to the one I had originally chose. His wife and children all carry my maiden name, McGrath.

The name change was important to my son and provided him with a sense of personal pride and a history of who and where he came from - instead of one of being unwanted.

This was a decision he made as a child because he felt he needed it. I would suppose that many children are very proud that someone does indeed love them enough to give them their name as well as support. I believe that he might not have grown into the caring person, loving husband and father should he not have been allowed his own sense of self-worth, and instead forced to live with the constant reminder of being a abandoned by his father.

In our McGrath family, an adopted child is treated as one of the family. No distinction is made, except possibly noted for record keeping purposes. I prefer to include both family surnames for genealogical accuracy, but certainly can understand why someone would rather not include what might be a painful emotional subject.

Live and Let Live. I say, take the name that you need to "adopt" as your own - but don't neglect the "truth" that is most appreciated by genealogists. If nothing else, it would be nice to know where you might find a compatible bone marrow doner should the dire need arise.

Sincerely yours,
Mary Madeline McGrath-Cares
(P.S. I was given my paternal grandmother's name. She died while my mother was carrying me. Before she died, she was promised that her granddaughter would carry her name. I remain honored.)