I'm delighted to find that you're still here! I'm pretty much ok with John Ela - I've visited his grave, and seen those of Lucinda and Jane. The "mystery man" seems to be William. The Town Records of Conway show both Jonathan and William as residing and paying taxes in Conway in 1801 and 1802. Jonathan appears in the U.S. Census of 1810, but William does not. If, as family tradition holds, he died in the War of 1812, he would still have been somewhere for the 1810 census, and most likely, still married to Lydia. Ordway seems to be quite a common name in New England, and searches for Lydia as a widow have, so far, been fruitless. If you have more information on the Ordways, that would be very helpful. I will send my snail mail address to your hotmail address.
By the way, I have copies of muster records for the War of 1812 for Joseph Healy and Joseph Ela - probably the same soldier. But have found nothing on William from that war.
Thank you SO much for responding!
Vern