Have you had any luck since your posting? I favor the idea that your Wheeler is Erastus W. Heacock (see 1810 census in Northampton, Genesee, New York and 1820 in Gates, Genesee, New York).
My Heacocks supposedly died in Greece around the same time, but I can't find a connection between Wheeler Heacock and David Heacock (wife Rhoda Abbott Heacock). In other words, I know your frustration!