Sandra and others
Regarding pops lost wife ... I have a copy of the family history of the Soutter family which has a lot of the names that appear in the course of your discussions with other researchers. I think what you are after is in the book as it has, at the time of printing, a detailed history of the Sutter family from past to present, including details of yourself.
I am related thru Martha Soutter.
Cheers
Gary Holmfield