I have been researching for 30 years, mostly hitting my head on the wall! My grandfather and his brother Thomas and James Pender came to the USA circa 1850. Their parents were Charles Pender and Mary Murphy. They were Irish Catholics. Thomas and James were born 1827-1832 depeding on what record you use, so I am guesing Charles was born around 1800. They referred to themselves as being from Carlow. The only record I find is one for Charles Pender in the Griffiths, two entries, in Wexford. I have been told Charles in an odd Irish name, but can find absolutely nothing on a birth, death or marriage. At this point I cannot afford to pay to check every birth document for a James or Thomas in hopes of finding Charles and Mary.....or other siblings. Would any kind soul out there give me a plan of attack on what I can/should do next? I know for sure they were poor and that the names of both of their children contain a lot of Charles, James, John, Edward and Margaret IF they did adhere to a naing pattern. They were in western New York by 1850-1855 , but I have had trouble finding immigration records that would put them both o the same boat.
If you like a puzzler I would appreciate some help.

Thank you
Kathy Breuer